Haha, I can imagine it now.
Izzy’s a great name though, and a welcome change to the salutations of this exchange.
Also welcome is your gentle approach. As someone who can be quite defensive, at least inside my own head, it’s a relief of the solitary confinement that results from building up invisible walls.
It comes as a good time because I’m at an age (26) where I’ve lived enough to begin figuring who I am and what I like — and I’m not talking about doing this or that, it’s just that I’ve got enough data to work with, and all I need to do is stop and observe myself and be more mindful of myself — and listen and take action based on it.
My evolution, and the journey experienced, brings me to the point where I’m encouraged to embrace change, be less resistant and/or stubborn (as you put it). I’m at a point where I think, ‘hey, I’m alive (whatever that means) so let’s get on with living’.
I identify, and can relate to what you said in your piece Thirty where you write: I am nowhere near where I wanted to be five years ago, ten years ago. I am nothing like I thought I would be when I daydreamed of growing up.
I’m not saying I’m completely there yet, in terms of no longer striving to be an outlier, if there is where I’m wanting to get to anyway. It’s just that the idea of who the outlier is has changed from someone more external to myself, to realizing that the most outlier-y thing I can do is be myself. But I think the way you put it and also how you’re now wanting to live a life fully lived is also more or less the same conclusion. (perhaps, I could be wrong…am I wrong?)
As for your response where you talk about influence, I think that that was probably the most impactful to me. Without really going into specifics, I’ve said yes more than no in my life and that’s led me down some interesting paths. BUT, as you infer in your other piece, you wouldn’t be the person you are had you not had those experiences (been stupid in your 20's).
And I think where you say “to take from their actions and ways, to be influenced by who they are and not only how they act or how they make you feel…” I though, ‘hmm I hadn’t thought that way’…because it’s like, sure you can be influenced by people, but that means you have a certain loss of control, but now I’m a lot more open to losing control…it was an illusion in the first place anyway. So this goes back to what I was saying about my general evolution and not being resistant to people or experiences. And to clarify I’m referencing somewhat negative experiences (or at least they were at the time, but in retrospect probably not so much), which has had an impact on my relationship with the concept of influence.
Hopefully that about answered is?
And what a curious thing, to hope for someone else to show themselves compassion — thanks for that, it’s been nice to have met you Izzy, even if just through the medium of Medium :)